100+ Funny & Creative One-Liner Jokes For The Workplace

One-liner jokes are great for the workplace, as they’re short, and deliver the punch-line in snap. Of course in a workplace with a high ceiling perhaps, you might need a taller one-liner joke.

And not just for the workplace! One-liner jokes are great for a great many occasions. Even at a dull and boring business meeting. Yeah some offices can be pretty dry, so wet up the atmosphere with a bit of humour. Or at a banquet dinner. It doesn’t matter!

Here are a 100 one-liner jokes to tell at your office, or even to yourself in the restroom mirror.

1. I told my boss I needed a raise because of inflation, but he said my performance hasn’t changed in years.
2. I tried to organize a hide and seek game at work, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
3. The best part of working from home is that your commute is only a few steps from your bed to your desk.
4. The only time my boss talks to me is when he needs something. I’m starting to feel like a vending machine.
5. Why do accountants always wear suspenders? To keep their pants from falling because of all the numbers they’re carrying.
6. Why do scientists always need a lab coat? So they can blend in with the whiteboards.
7. The only time I’m happy to see my boss is when he’s leaving for vacation.
8. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.
9. I asked my boss if I could leave early, and he said, “Why, are you too tired to stay here?”
10. My coworker is like a dictionary – she has all the words but no one ever uses them.
11. My boss asked me if I could work on a Saturday, and I said, “I don’t know, can you pay me on a Sunday?”
12. My coworker is always on her phone. I think she’s a call center agent on the side.
13. I tried to make a joke about presentations, but it didn’t have enough slides.
14. Why do HR managers always have a clipboard? To keep track of all the complaints.
15. My boss told me to start thinking outside the box, so I took my laptop outside.
16. Why do mechanics always have dirty hands? Because they work with nuts and bolts.
17. I asked my coworker how to spell “teamwork,” and she said, “There’s no ‘I’ in team.” I said, “That’s not what I asked.”
18. My boss said I needed to be more proactive, so I scheduled a meeting with myself to discuss it.
19. Why did the receptionist quit her job? She got tired of answering the phone.
20. My coworker is always bragging about how she’s a “multi-tasker,” but I think she’s just easily distracted.
21. My boss said I needed to work on my communication skills, so I sent him a text message.
22. Why do architects always wear glasses? To see the bigger picture.
23. I tried to make a joke about the stock market, but my punchline was overpriced.
24. Why do reporters always wear trench coats? To blend in with the rain.
25. My keyboard is like my coworker – she’s full of keys
26. “I told my boss I needed a raise because I was struggling to make ends meet. He gave me a pair of scissors and said, ‘Cut them.'”
27. “Why did the spreadsheet go to therapy? It had too many formulas.”
28. “‘m a Killswitch Engineer. I sit by the servers all day, everyday, ready to pull the plug.”
29. “I don’t always take coffee breaks, but when I do, I prefer to stay in the break room for eight hours.”
30. “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for when I really need it – like at 5 pm when it’s time to go home.”
31. “I asked my boss for a day off, and he said, ‘Sure, when pigs fly.’ I guess he didn’t know I had a private jet.”
32. “I told my co-worker he was drawing his Excel graphs wrong. He told me to be more specific, so I said, ‘Ok, the vertical axis goes up, not down.'”
33. “Why did the marketing department get lost? They didn’t have a clear target audience.”
34. “I’m not procrastinating, I’m just prioritizing my tasks in order of how much I don’t want to do them.”
35. “I can’t believe they still call it ‘rush hour’ when it lasts all day.”
36. “I’m not the office gossip, I’m just a highly efficient information gatherer.”
37. “I don’t always have a plan, but when I do, it’s a PowerPoint presentation.”
38. “I asked my boss for a promotion, and he said, ‘We don’t promote people who ask for promotions.’ So I asked for a demotion, and he said, ‘We don’t do that either.'”
39. “I don’t always understand Excel, but when I do, it’s usually by accident.”
40. “I beat the 5 o’clock rush. I leave work at noon.” – [Buy This Mug]
41. “I told my boss I was feeling underappreciated, and he said, ‘That’s not true, we appreciate your ability to show up on time.'”
42. “I don’t always make mistakes, but when I do, I blame it on autocorrect.”
43. “I’m not lazy, I’m just in saving energy.”
44. “I asked my boss if I could leave early, and he said, ‘I don’t know, can you?’ So I left and never came back.”
45. “Why did the developer refuse to share his code? He said it was his ‘intellectual property,’ but we all knew it was just spaghetti code.”
46. “I’m not saying I’m a perfectionist, but I did spend three hours perfecting my out-of-office email.”
47. “I don’t always work overtime, but when I do, it’s because I forgot how to say ‘no’.”
48. “Why did the software engineer quit his job? He didn’t get arrays.”
49. “I’m not saying I’m bad at math, but my calculator gave me an error message when I tried to divide by zero.”
50. “I asked my boss if I could work from home, and he said, ‘Sure, just make sure you’re productive.’ So I built a pillow fort and called it my home office.”
51. “I don’t always have a solution, but when I do, it’s usually a hack.”
52. “Why did the project manager get a tattoo of a Gantt chart? He wanted to keep his schedule close to his heart.”
53. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
54. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
55. I used to be a painter, but I just couldn’t brush it off
56. Why do ducks make great detectives? Because they always quack the case.
57. I used to be a window cleaner, but I just couldn’t see myself doing it.
58. Why do chickens make terrible detectives? Because they always egg-spect foul play.
59. I used to be a fireman, but I got burned out.
60. I used to be a tailor, but I just couldn’t seam to do it.
61. I used to be a barista, but I couldn’t espresso myself.
62. Why don’t cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry.
63. I used to be a dentist, but I couldn’t handle the tooth.
64. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one.
65. I used to be a carpenter, but I just couldn’t saw it through.
66. Why don’t crabs share? Because they’re shellfish.
67. I used to be a librarian, but I couldn’t book it.
68. I used to be a butcher, but I just couldn’t cut it.
69. I used to be a pilot, but I just couldn’t get off the ground.
70. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
71. I used to be a personal assistant, but I couldn’t keep up.
72. I used to be a professional baseball player, but I was out of my league.
73. I used to be a chef, but I couldn’t handle the heat.
74. Why don’t oysters give to charity? They’re shellfish.
75. I used to be a professional photographer, but I just couldn’t focus.
76. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
77. I used to work at a shoe store, but it sole me out.
78. Why don’t seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they would be bagels.
79. I used to be a personal trainer, but I didn’t work out.
80. Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
81. I used to be a tennis instructor, but it just wasn’t my racket.
82. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
83. I tried to start a hot air balloon business, but it never took off.
84. I used to be a sushi chef, but it was just raw talent.
85. Why did the customer service rep go to the beach? To catch some customer complaints.
86. I used to be a personal trainer, but I couldn’t work out a schedule.
87. Why did the boss bring a magnifying glass to work? To get a closer look at the big picture.
88. Why did the marketing team go on a camping trip? To brainstorm some in-tent ideas.
89. I tried to start a recycling business, but it was a waste of effort.
90. Why did the programmer get a pet snake? It was a Python.
91. Why did the HR manager become a doctor? Because she wanted to administer more employee benefits.
92. I tried to organize a hide and seek tournament at work, but it was hard to find enough participants.
93. Why did the accountant refuse to wear a cape to work? It just didn’t add up.
94. I used to be a librarian, but I got lost in the stacks.
95. Why did the salesperson go to the beach? To catch some sales waves.
96. I tried to start a composting business, but it just didn’t grow on me.
97. Why did the project manager wear sunglasses to the meeting? Because he wanted to see things from a different perspective.
98. I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired for taking a day off.
99. Why did the office manager hire a chef? Because the company needed a better turnover rate.
100. I asked my boss for a day off, and he said, “Sure, you can have tomorrow off. But don’t forget, you still have to come in for the night shift.”
101. I tried to start a coffee shop in the office, but it was a latte work for me.
102. Why did the marketer refuse to work with the fish market? Because the customers were always looking for a better catch.
103. I’m a historian. Some say my career is history. (At least I die knowing legends.)

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